when i got married in a north meets south, i didnt think what kinda tough situation i'll get in. now after sonu's birth, i realise that every small things that i thought abt child raising and post pregnancy seems to be different. u know in south they strictly avoid aloo when breast feeding the baby saying that it causes gas, but in his side aloo is the first thing they say as safe to eat! It does sound piety thing to be breaking head about, but when ur month old kid has gas problem cos of which she gets up in mid of her sleep and cry... u would try to do anything to make it better for her.
Basically i am a person who wants to write when i am emotional. Since I cant complain or crib with anyone about my emotions & thoughts, I choose to write. But after sonu came so much is going on daily from the critisisum of husband to arguing with hubs mom.. that i am even scared to write about it. Since writing about it makes it permanently stored somewhere, and these experience i am not sure whether i want to preserve or not. And another thing is that i am not able to write as and even i feel. By the time i get time to write, the emotional moment is gone...
Hope I can pen my thoughts more often and more free
Friday, November 2, 2007
Sunday, September 30, 2007
Arrived!
Yup..my sonu kutti made her big entry on 8th Sep at 10:05 pm!!
How was the whole experience... it was as eventful as any delivery would be.. it was special, which i'll always keep in my heart.
It start with the doc starting the inducing at 9:30 am. The hospital was a cool place, we both were all prepared ( or thought so) and went with all things as per friends advice. Initially i didnt feel anything, even though the monitor showed i started my labour process. The hospital room TV had 'I Love Lucy' program running and I was enjoying myself. The doc when she saw me laughing, she knew that she has to do something to shatter my self enjoyment:) So she broke my water... From there the actual trip started.
When the pain kicked in, hubs became my labour coach and I started with the intial breathing exercises... The nurse also was constantly nagging me to rate the pains. After what seemed like ages of pain, I asked the nurse to check my dilation. I thought she is gona say i am all 10 cm done... But I had reached only 3.5 cm :( So I asked about my option for epidural (the labour life saver amrith) but it turned out that cos of my low platelets, i wont get it... So there goes my hope...
I was worried on how i'll manage, but hubs was all postive and started pepping me up for normal delivery without epidural. So there we started, every contraction pain seemed like a year of pain and i was only aware of each pain starting and gap of rest between pain.. Hubs was playing 'Om namo narayana' in the background. I tired sitting in rocking chair, birthing ball, kneeling with hubs.. but everything was temporary reliver.
So in the end she came out at 10:05. When I saw her tiny face and heard her tiny cry..I was more happy that she is out and the pain is over :) So by the time everything was cleaned and we shifted to our post delivery room, me and hubs were ready to crash in with our little girl. But she had her own plans and neither of us had our rest, we just took turns in pacifying her :)
How was the whole experience... it was as eventful as any delivery would be.. it was special, which i'll always keep in my heart.
It start with the doc starting the inducing at 9:30 am. The hospital was a cool place, we both were all prepared ( or thought so) and went with all things as per friends advice. Initially i didnt feel anything, even though the monitor showed i started my labour process. The hospital room TV had 'I Love Lucy' program running and I was enjoying myself. The doc when she saw me laughing, she knew that she has to do something to shatter my self enjoyment:) So she broke my water... From there the actual trip started.
When the pain kicked in, hubs became my labour coach and I started with the intial breathing exercises... The nurse also was constantly nagging me to rate the pains. After what seemed like ages of pain, I asked the nurse to check my dilation. I thought she is gona say i am all 10 cm done... But I had reached only 3.5 cm :( So I asked about my option for epidural (the labour life saver amrith) but it turned out that cos of my low platelets, i wont get it... So there goes my hope...
I was worried on how i'll manage, but hubs was all postive and started pepping me up for normal delivery without epidural. So there we started, every contraction pain seemed like a year of pain and i was only aware of each pain starting and gap of rest between pain.. Hubs was playing 'Om namo narayana' in the background. I tired sitting in rocking chair, birthing ball, kneeling with hubs.. but everything was temporary reliver.
So in the end she came out at 10:05. When I saw her tiny face and heard her tiny cry..I was more happy that she is out and the pain is over :) So by the time everything was cleaned and we shifted to our post delivery room, me and hubs were ready to crash in with our little girl. But she had her own plans and neither of us had our rest, we just took turns in pacifying her :)
Thursday, September 6, 2007
Times up!!
The date is fixed!! Last week during checkup, they found that again my platelets have gone down..the doc's opinion is that its risky to wait till the due date. So she & my gync. fixed the dates as 8th as the day they will induce me. So all our hopes of getting 'sonu' on our day of engagement were dashed. We are still yet to get used to the idea that this Saturday is the D-day!!
I again had an u/s yesterday and now 'sonu' is 3.15 kg!! So seems like she is all ready except that she doesn't want to come on her own. Everyday I am wishing that she comes out on her own than inducing... but she is not listening :(
Hubs mom will be here only on 17th.. so both me & hubs are wondering how we gona get thru till then.. hubs was thinking of changing the dates at least a day or 2 back, but I don't want it. Even though the docs may be over exaggerating the risks and want to induce early. Still why take risk & delay stuff. Also 'sonu' is gud inside and its just a week ahead from the actual due date..which is quite fine..
Sonu's nana & nani are coming to US, just for a vacation. Though they wont be coming to see sonu as they are still angry with me (or what ever), but still its good to know that at least now they are enjoying in their life.
So now me and hubs are all set for sonu...though we have our own doubts... still there is an excitement. Before its always felt 9 months is such a small time... but now each day, each night looks like a lengthy one!! Every time i get up in night i wonder on how much more time is there for day break :) With all this itchy rashes and toilet break in the night.. its seriously is a damning time to pass!
So Saturday is the d day wherein i will officially enter the mommy world...Wish me luck for the new role!
I again had an u/s yesterday and now 'sonu' is 3.15 kg!! So seems like she is all ready except that she doesn't want to come on her own. Everyday I am wishing that she comes out on her own than inducing... but she is not listening :(
Hubs mom will be here only on 17th.. so both me & hubs are wondering how we gona get thru till then.. hubs was thinking of changing the dates at least a day or 2 back, but I don't want it. Even though the docs may be over exaggerating the risks and want to induce early. Still why take risk & delay stuff. Also 'sonu' is gud inside and its just a week ahead from the actual due date..which is quite fine..
Sonu's nana & nani are coming to US, just for a vacation. Though they wont be coming to see sonu as they are still angry with me (or what ever), but still its good to know that at least now they are enjoying in their life.
So now me and hubs are all set for sonu...though we have our own doubts... still there is an excitement. Before its always felt 9 months is such a small time... but now each day, each night looks like a lengthy one!! Every time i get up in night i wonder on how much more time is there for day break :) With all this itchy rashes and toilet break in the night.. its seriously is a damning time to pass!
So Saturday is the d day wherein i will officially enter the mommy world...Wish me luck for the new role!
Friday, August 24, 2007
Week 36...
Since the last i wrote, I had so many moments till now to sit & write here. But none of it materialized. So now I am 2 days far from to be called 'Full- Term'. So its the last strech of pregnancy and in another 3 weeks we will have our kutti in our hands and she will be ruling us day and night.
Breif of what happened so far.
First hubs parents got visa!! Mom-in-law is going to come in 2nd week of Sept.
I had another ultrasound @ week 35. I was actually praying that i get to see her again. But she has grown big this time, so couldnt see her so well. But the u/s was feel good one as we got to know her progress.
She is weighing 5.17 lbs (2.7 Kg). She is head down & back front position. She is all set to start her journey outside. She has good hair ( i think so.. but it was all black in u/s so not sure how much hair). She is actually squeezed inside :). Doc was actually worried that she was measuring big and me being a small person she wanted an u/s done. But after u/s she said the baby is still in normal weight and all fluids were good so no probs. Though she might be a heavy baby (like mom) :)
The platelet prob is still there. But good news that its stable @ 74.
In this weeks check up my legs were all swelled up. I think its cos I ate pickle for 2 days :(.. So doc was saying that in one week if it doesnt subside, she will ask me to be at home & rest.
Thats actually a gud news. Because I wanted to start my leave from Sept 1st, but hubs was not for it as he think i will be lazy for one and 2nd worry abt silly stuffs.. Even work wise they are asking me to come till 10th Sept. But i am praying I can start my leave from 1st!! Everything will depend on the doc visit next week.
Doc was saying that
We got a cradle & some used baby clothes from one of my friend!! So all things are brought. only thing pending is wash all her clothes & stuffs and pack my hospital bag! And ya we are yet to book tickets for mom-in-law.
So all set for her highness Ms Vibha Roy (alias) Sonuva arrival :) For now just counting of days... I really want a normal delivery though the pain scares me & also no option of epidural.. it might be tough, but still somehow want a normal one. So daily hubs makes sure i get all my walking he is now my health inspector :)
Weird thing is hubs is having all symptoms same as mine.. he has food craving, fast nail growth, shiny hair, up & down of emotions and ya a small *bump* :) umm... may be i shud ask doc to check him up ;)
Breif of what happened so far.
First hubs parents got visa!! Mom-in-law is going to come in 2nd week of Sept.
I had another ultrasound @ week 35. I was actually praying that i get to see her again. But she has grown big this time, so couldnt see her so well. But the u/s was feel good one as we got to know her progress.
She is weighing 5.17 lbs (2.7 Kg). She is head down & back front position. She is all set to start her journey outside. She has good hair ( i think so.. but it was all black in u/s so not sure how much hair). She is actually squeezed inside :). Doc was actually worried that she was measuring big and me being a small person she wanted an u/s done. But after u/s she said the baby is still in normal weight and all fluids were good so no probs. Though she might be a heavy baby (like mom) :)
The platelet prob is still there. But good news that its stable @ 74.
In this weeks check up my legs were all swelled up. I think its cos I ate pickle for 2 days :(.. So doc was saying that in one week if it doesnt subside, she will ask me to be at home & rest.
Thats actually a gud news. Because I wanted to start my leave from Sept 1st, but hubs was not for it as he think i will be lazy for one and 2nd worry abt silly stuffs.. Even work wise they are asking me to come till 10th Sept. But i am praying I can start my leave from 1st!! Everything will depend on the doc visit next week.
Doc was saying that
We got a cradle & some used baby clothes from one of my friend!! So all things are brought. only thing pending is wash all her clothes & stuffs and pack my hospital bag! And ya we are yet to book tickets for mom-in-law.
So all set for her highness Ms Vibha Roy (alias) Sonuva arrival :) For now just counting of days... I really want a normal delivery though the pain scares me & also no option of epidural.. it might be tough, but still somehow want a normal one. So daily hubs makes sure i get all my walking he is now my health inspector :)
Weird thing is hubs is having all symptoms same as mine.. he has food craving, fast nail growth, shiny hair, up & down of emotions and ya a small *bump* :) umm... may be i shud ask doc to check him up ;)
Thursday, August 2, 2007
Sister
I have an elder sister...I wont say we were close friends or something.. But ya we did has a good sister stuff when we grew up. When we were in school, we used to fight a lot and its usually me who goes crying to mom. I am the big fan for all the dishes my sis used to cook. I was the personal assistant for her in cooking department. When I entered my adolescent age, she helped me out in getting in terms with it. When we were growing up she passed any tips & tricks to me.. Then she started her college.. and later me started college.. I think something during that time changed a lot. She always felt that my parents are pampering me and spending lotsa money on me and not on her. Some complex got in and she used lotsa sarcasm to let me know of it. She is always is a person who used to say 'I told u so' when I am actually in trouble. So college done and me was trying for MS and she for marriage. Fortunately she got what she wanted from my BIL and came to US. She did contributed financially for mom n dad.
But somehow I feel that she was never there emotionally when I needed her or not in the sense I needed her. May be I concluded so when I see hubs side and his bonding with his sister/brother. When I was trying hard to convince my parent for my wedding, she didn't open her mouth. She was actually protecting her place in family... and she is always like that. She wont risk her position for me.. May be I am wrong in expecting so.. I don't know. But I am person who stopped keeping any expectation from any of my side people..
This week she had planned to go to India for holiday, but in the last min it got cancelled. Here we were trying to get hubs mom visa so she can be here for my delivery. So when trouble came and it was doubtful whether MIL will be able to make to consulate, we both were worried on what will happen if MIL is not able to come.
Hubs were all positive and was telling me that now since your sis is here, she would be able to come and help. So when i spoke with her, I explained her the situation and asked her whether she can make it. But she simply refused. She was thinking of all kinda excuses. She was suggesting that why don't I ask mom. It hurted me. I know I should have known better before asking her. When she itself not ready, how will my mom who hasn't talked to me after my marriage will consent to come and help me now... When Hubs heard my sister reply, he started making sarcastic comments, but stopped it when he saw my face.
So I was wrong in thinking that, just because someone is talking with me and saying caring words that they will do anything for me. Everybody have their life and wants to protect their position in it. It doesn't matter whether they r your parents or sister. Would it mean that they were not a good parents or was not a good sister. I don't know. That would depend on the definition of 'parents' and 'sister' correct? Do I think that were not good. I wont say that, I should not be comparing them with others correct. I know them and now I know their priorities. I am not perfect daughter or sister, similarly they are also not. That's the story. Ya maybe next time when arguing with hubs over family this could be a negative point but its OK. That's that. No use in crying over spilled milk!
But somehow I feel that she was never there emotionally when I needed her or not in the sense I needed her. May be I concluded so when I see hubs side and his bonding with his sister/brother. When I was trying hard to convince my parent for my wedding, she didn't open her mouth. She was actually protecting her place in family... and she is always like that. She wont risk her position for me.. May be I am wrong in expecting so.. I don't know. But I am person who stopped keeping any expectation from any of my side people..
This week she had planned to go to India for holiday, but in the last min it got cancelled. Here we were trying to get hubs mom visa so she can be here for my delivery. So when trouble came and it was doubtful whether MIL will be able to make to consulate, we both were worried on what will happen if MIL is not able to come.
Hubs were all positive and was telling me that now since your sis is here, she would be able to come and help. So when i spoke with her, I explained her the situation and asked her whether she can make it. But she simply refused. She was thinking of all kinda excuses. She was suggesting that why don't I ask mom. It hurted me. I know I should have known better before asking her. When she itself not ready, how will my mom who hasn't talked to me after my marriage will consent to come and help me now... When Hubs heard my sister reply, he started making sarcastic comments, but stopped it when he saw my face.
So I was wrong in thinking that, just because someone is talking with me and saying caring words that they will do anything for me. Everybody have their life and wants to protect their position in it. It doesn't matter whether they r your parents or sister. Would it mean that they were not a good parents or was not a good sister. I don't know. That would depend on the definition of 'parents' and 'sister' correct? Do I think that were not good. I wont say that, I should not be comparing them with others correct. I know them and now I know their priorities. I am not perfect daughter or sister, similarly they are also not. That's the story. Ya maybe next time when arguing with hubs over family this could be a negative point but its OK. That's that. No use in crying over spilled milk!
Friday, July 20, 2007
Complications
So when everything was actually going good.. all Vibha's things are here, we all set for the birthing class and so and so... So we were thinking now on all the doc appointments are going to be a 10 mins check and doc giving us all good sign. But no thats not how it went in real. We went for the doc appointment and doc gave me a jolt saying that me platelet count seems to be down.. she said that last time it was lill bit less so she thought of rechecking this time, and this time it was way too low.. she said it could be Toximia so was running tests on me for that. I heard about Toximia but never thought I would actually get it! But the good thing is that I didnt have any other symptoms of it so the doc was not so sure whether it would be that. So thats a good news?! Actually no, doc wants to know the reason on what is causing this low count, so got referred to another doc.
So that night it was a tense situation at home. Hubs was very upset, since 1 point doc said was even though its not Toximia, if this low count continous there could be problem during labour.. might be more bleeding, doc wont give me epidural and problem for c-sec... My mind was blank that night since we dont have any concerete problem in hand.. thought I cried all way from doc office to home, since I was scared for my baby.. what if she has to come out early, how she would survive.. My worry were not that something would happen to me..
I know it sounds like a all-sacrificing-mom statement, but really I know I will survive, but was so much more scared for Vibha...say mom-concern, nothing different from other moms i think.
So hubs, sis, MIL, BIL everyone were scolding that something is wrong with my eating...so that night rather than eating what i liked, i just ate what my hubs told me to eat. its mainly done for hubs cos he was so much upset and scared... and other being i know nothing i'll lose if i maintain this for the next 9 weeks if it can help in anyway to Vibha...
So next day, went to the The other doc, again did some blood test.. The gud news is that they said the count has increased a bit from the day before!!! But still the count is less and they dont know what is causing it. So they wanted to run other tests and also do an ultrasound...
So that night, we passed the relieving news to all and everybody were telling their own home remedy solutions... The thing, nobody is aware of any complication like this.. but still they were giving some solution which could help.. nothing out of blue, but common things like sugar in milk, ghee is food, wheat sprouts, yoga n so. My MIL gave me slogam to read, she said that she is reading it on my behalf but it would be good if I can also read it... she was so upset saying that you people are so far off and even if wanted to she cant come...
Hubs was really touched by this action of hers. In his eyes there is no one like his mom and this kinda added one more point to her. May be I am lucky, or may be chosed him after assessing his whole package :)
So as of now... we are running around from one hospital to another to investigate the source of problem... I am keeping my fingers crossed.. Let her live inside for another 8 odd weeks. For that i can eating anything, anything for that...
So that night it was a tense situation at home. Hubs was very upset, since 1 point doc said was even though its not Toximia, if this low count continous there could be problem during labour.. might be more bleeding, doc wont give me epidural and problem for c-sec... My mind was blank that night since we dont have any concerete problem in hand.. thought I cried all way from doc office to home, since I was scared for my baby.. what if she has to come out early, how she would survive.. My worry were not that something would happen to me..
I know it sounds like a all-sacrificing-mom statement, but really I know I will survive, but was so much more scared for Vibha...say mom-concern, nothing different from other moms i think.
So hubs, sis, MIL, BIL everyone were scolding that something is wrong with my eating...so that night rather than eating what i liked, i just ate what my hubs told me to eat. its mainly done for hubs cos he was so much upset and scared... and other being i know nothing i'll lose if i maintain this for the next 9 weeks if it can help in anyway to Vibha...
So next day, went to the The other doc, again did some blood test.. The gud news is that they said the count has increased a bit from the day before!!! But still the count is less and they dont know what is causing it. So they wanted to run other tests and also do an ultrasound...
So that night, we passed the relieving news to all and everybody were telling their own home remedy solutions... The thing, nobody is aware of any complication like this.. but still they were giving some solution which could help.. nothing out of blue, but common things like sugar in milk, ghee is food, wheat sprouts, yoga n so. My MIL gave me slogam to read, she said that she is reading it on my behalf but it would be good if I can also read it... she was so upset saying that you people are so far off and even if wanted to she cant come...
Hubs was really touched by this action of hers. In his eyes there is no one like his mom and this kinda added one more point to her. May be I am lucky, or may be chosed him after assessing his whole package :)
So as of now... we are running around from one hospital to another to investigate the source of problem... I am keeping my fingers crossed.. Let her live inside for another 8 odd weeks. For that i can eating anything, anything for that...
Tuesday, July 10, 2007
Last 10 Weeks
Most of the items in the checklist is stroked out.. Got a brown/yellow checked stroller last weekend. So that covers all the major things for kutti... So with just 10 more weeks to go.. we are even attending the delivery class this month...the stage is all set for her arrival!
Last week hubs mom was telling that as per custom the baby cant wear anything new for the 1st week!! She is planning to get the used cloth of hubs sister's son!! I don't like the idea..not a bit. When kutti comes it will be mid autumn and I am pretty much sure a colder climate.. In that I can imagine kutti in a thin cotton dress.. But who can I express my dislike too.. We already have got her some cute onsies and all...but now I have to see her in some worn out clothes :( But my sis gave an idea that u can wear the old cloth and then the new one on top of it!!! But why old clothes...I dont like it at all...even though its gonna be for 1 week only...
Till now when I made a decision about my marriage, I all went with hubs side customs.. from the way diya is lighted to everything.. I wasn't a big deal for me. for one i didn't fully known my customs..though it sound pathetic, but when i was with my parents.. mom used to do elaborate puja n customs, which i just followed. I didn't sit n learn it. So once married and with my mom not there to tell me.. I just had hubs mom's guidance.. Though some of it where bizarre and different, it didn't matter to me. I know that hubs mom doesn't have high opinion of me n its still a very fragile link with only hubs as a binding string. So all the complaints were received with closed ears , closed mind and a vague smile. But the question arises now is that would I be able to hold the same stance now also...
Its a vague feeling...its just that I am scared that my voice wont be heard w.r.t. my kid's life :( I don't know for sure whether this fear will become reality or not... may be i am overreacting or may be prego hormones are causing all this... But its there.. would I blow up, would I regret about it n all stuffs are there.. For now its just a wait n watch phase.
Last week hubs mom was telling that as per custom the baby cant wear anything new for the 1st week!! She is planning to get the used cloth of hubs sister's son!! I don't like the idea..not a bit. When kutti comes it will be mid autumn and I am pretty much sure a colder climate.. In that I can imagine kutti in a thin cotton dress.. But who can I express my dislike too.. We already have got her some cute onsies and all...but now I have to see her in some worn out clothes :( But my sis gave an idea that u can wear the old cloth and then the new one on top of it!!! But why old clothes...I dont like it at all...even though its gonna be for 1 week only...
Till now when I made a decision about my marriage, I all went with hubs side customs.. from the way diya is lighted to everything.. I wasn't a big deal for me. for one i didn't fully known my customs..though it sound pathetic, but when i was with my parents.. mom used to do elaborate puja n customs, which i just followed. I didn't sit n learn it. So once married and with my mom not there to tell me.. I just had hubs mom's guidance.. Though some of it where bizarre and different, it didn't matter to me. I know that hubs mom doesn't have high opinion of me n its still a very fragile link with only hubs as a binding string. So all the complaints were received with closed ears , closed mind and a vague smile. But the question arises now is that would I be able to hold the same stance now also...
Its a vague feeling...its just that I am scared that my voice wont be heard w.r.t. my kid's life :( I don't know for sure whether this fear will become reality or not... may be i am overreacting or may be prego hormones are causing all this... But its there.. would I blow up, would I regret about it n all stuffs are there.. For now its just a wait n watch phase.
Friday, July 6, 2007
Back to square one
So.. am back to work. Though haven't got such a tight schedule.. still work is work correct. So am back to my old routine of getting up at 6 and rushing off to work... We also started with buying stuffs for Vibha...I was little skeptic of pinky stuffs, but hubs want everything in pink!! So now our kutti is gona be bundled up in pink, pink onsie, pink blanket, towel, cap, socks!! Hopefully I can convince hubs for non-pink stroller :) So other than stroller and crib we have everything!! Other day we were looking for some cutie frocks for 'kutti' but couldn't get any...Times like these only I miss TNagar... wish I could go there and get some kutti kutti dress :) So its 70 odd days more...then we will have our bundle of joy in hand!! U know sometime I feel so alone with not one soul in earth for me..hubs has his parents but whose there for me, who will stand behind me for support at all times.. When ever me n hubs get into the usual kutti fights, the thought that comes is I don't have anyone. So now with Vibha on her way out, can I hope she will be ??!! But I know, since i never was behind my mom for support how can Vibha be any different.. So its going to be just me, may be with hubs and kutti taking part! Thinking these thoughts makes life even more lonely. Is this all cos of some pregee hormones... i wonder
Friday, June 29, 2007
Baby Shower
I had my baby shower!!!Yaaaa!!!
It was a surprise party from our friends..It was the first surprise party I had in my life... n man wasn't it a blast!! I really I think my daughter is our luck charm :)
I so wanted a baby shower..this week only I was asking hubs on how it happens at his place n all. But he said they don't have that custom :( I know how gala it happens in south.. My sis was initially planning to come down my place and do the baby shower, but she couldn't :( So I was hopeless that I wont be getting a baby shower. Since this place is new for me plus with my poor social skill (as hubs call it) I didn't even had a inch of hope... But our friends, mostly hubs colleague's wife, planned it. They said its a normal get together and when asked what should I get they said not a thing... But still I made kheer and took it! But when I saw the cake.. I was blown away. Though I was dry eyed, in my heart I was weeping my happy tears.. and so wanted to kiss those gals :) The Cake..Wow is the only word... One of the gals had done the decorations on it. It was a huge round bed with a pretty yellow sheet with green dots. In the center was a bassinet with a baby wrapped in an orange blanket. Also there was brown teddy!!! It was the most beautiful cake i have ever seen...Umm wasn't I one lucky mommy :) So now I kinda screaming n telling everyone that I too had my baby shower :):):)
It was a surprise party from our friends..It was the first surprise party I had in my life... n man wasn't it a blast!! I really I think my daughter is our luck charm :)
I so wanted a baby shower..this week only I was asking hubs on how it happens at his place n all. But he said they don't have that custom :( I know how gala it happens in south.. My sis was initially planning to come down my place and do the baby shower, but she couldn't :( So I was hopeless that I wont be getting a baby shower. Since this place is new for me plus with my poor social skill (as hubs call it) I didn't even had a inch of hope... But our friends, mostly hubs colleague's wife, planned it. They said its a normal get together and when asked what should I get they said not a thing... But still I made kheer and took it! But when I saw the cake.. I was blown away. Though I was dry eyed, in my heart I was weeping my happy tears.. and so wanted to kiss those gals :) The Cake..Wow is the only word... One of the gals had done the decorations on it. It was a huge round bed with a pretty yellow sheet with green dots. In the center was a bassinet with a baby wrapped in an orange blanket. Also there was brown teddy!!! It was the most beautiful cake i have ever seen...Umm wasn't I one lucky mommy :) So now I kinda screaming n telling everyone that I too had my baby shower :):):)
Thursday, June 21, 2007
Breakpoint!!?
Its been 1 yr and 2.5 months since my marriage...but still my parents are not OK with that. So vat do i do..as a concerned daughter i keep checking with them, calling them. But i do this all time not by myself.. I have my hubs and sis who keep pushing me to do that...Every time I call them they don't speak with me n I also understand that. Everybody has the right of choice the same way I had mine when I married. Also I think my parents are not going to change their mind and think that this is the last time. But somehow r other again I get convinced of calling them again. Actually I don't regret that I made a selfish decision, but I am very happy with it. I wont say its a rosy life I picked..but I know its thorns also n I am happy with it. I am a selfish person n in saying so what. Why should I keep punishing myself n my parents again n again.. I feel that I should let go. I always known that I am not good and convincing and known that my parents never gonna see the right in the decision I took. But with some bizarre hope I keep thinking of convincing.. But I know for sure this wont go on, one or other I am gonna have enough and say that's it. Let all go in our own ways... Just dunno when that day i going to come.
Tuesday, June 12, 2007
Pleasures of Pregnancy
ok... so life took the unexpected bend and here I am sitting at home cos of it!! What's next. Since I am pregnant nobody is ready to give me work for short duration of 3 months, they only have work for minimum 6 months.. otherwise I might have to relocate to somewhere else. Relocation means I & my hubs have to live apart, which is not ok with me or with him. So what next! I am at home.. as of now its good to be at home as it feels like a summer vacation :) which I got after a real long time of 5 years!! So may be I'll get some work for the next 3 months or I wont, but I am not complaining. As of now I am all happy to be at home n enjoy my babies kicks.. She is quite entertaining... its more like boxing punches the ones she give from inside :). So can I say my wishes came true :) Psst... hubs will have heart attack if he reads this ;)
Friday, May 25, 2007
Life as it is
Life is taking an unexpected turn.. no questions asked on whether I am prepared for this or not.. I am just taking the plunge, will I resurface or not is the question, will I be able to swim with the current or not is the question.
umm.. is all this happening because somewhere secretly I was wishing for all this to happen.. how will I manage this change, how will I survive!! its always uncertain when driving in an unfamiliar road, where will the turn exactly lead to?
umm.. is all this happening because somewhere secretly I was wishing for all this to happen.. how will I manage this change, how will I survive!! its always uncertain when driving in an unfamiliar road, where will the turn exactly lead to?
Thursday, May 24, 2007
Tuesday, May 22, 2007
Letter to my kutti...
Dear Vibha... ( I am sure thats the name u going to get... and f.y.i. I picked it :))
I know you are growing strong from the kicks you give me each day :) so I am not asking you how you are doing inside... So you who now are a part of me will soon become the apple of your papa and my eyes... More than me your papa is so happy and excited to meet you soon... he talks to u, wishes you good morning/good night and gives you lots kuchu kuchu... he does so much in ensuring that you are getting good care :) me am still dazed you can say, more so me am worried and how everything will work out once you are out in this BIG bad world.. Would your thata and pati ever meet u... how much will you be spoilt by your dada and dadi... how much pranks you going to play on your chacha... how much fun you going to have with your periamma and ramya... I am just eager to witness those things... you know nobody other than me and papa (and few of my friends) know that you are Vibha. For others you are still a baby cos we didn’t tell them, wanted to keep that as a surprise... :)
So what my kutti going to grow up like... I want you to be independent gal not spoilt but more a responsible one who knows what she wants and is not afraid to get it and keep it. Your papa wants you to be a traditional gal who will be like 'ghar ka naam roshan karegi' type of gal... I think you will have tough time in satisfying your papa dreams... so you going to be a mama gal or papa gal ;)
As parents we plan to be very strict in not to spoil you with lots of luxury... you need to learn to go by foot in dusty paths, bus with bumpy rides, train in hot humid days... and not expect a/c car and plane everywhere.. We won’t give you mobile phone while going to school and no car for school/ college... you will get your car when you earn and get it... Don’t we sound harsh... may be... may be we will have big fight over this when you are a demanding teenager... I am looking forward for that too :)
Hope you get your papa qualities of being close to family, talking out things, expressing your love without any restrictions, thought full of others feelings and you get mama qualities of to know when to keep silence, stick to the decision you make, weigh all positives/negatives before decision making.
But darling these are all our dreams and hopes... we are still open to some more suggestions from you too :) but for now we can take day-by-day baby steps... first lets see you soon and start our rosy life together. But have this knowledge that you are our beautiful daughter who can never be equated to anything... you are the first joy in our marriage life and will always be.
Love u,
Mama
I know you are growing strong from the kicks you give me each day :) so I am not asking you how you are doing inside... So you who now are a part of me will soon become the apple of your papa and my eyes... More than me your papa is so happy and excited to meet you soon... he talks to u, wishes you good morning/good night and gives you lots kuchu kuchu... he does so much in ensuring that you are getting good care :) me am still dazed you can say, more so me am worried and how everything will work out once you are out in this BIG bad world.. Would your thata and pati ever meet u... how much will you be spoilt by your dada and dadi... how much pranks you going to play on your chacha... how much fun you going to have with your periamma and ramya... I am just eager to witness those things... you know nobody other than me and papa (and few of my friends) know that you are Vibha. For others you are still a baby cos we didn’t tell them, wanted to keep that as a surprise... :)
So what my kutti going to grow up like... I want you to be independent gal not spoilt but more a responsible one who knows what she wants and is not afraid to get it and keep it. Your papa wants you to be a traditional gal who will be like 'ghar ka naam roshan karegi' type of gal... I think you will have tough time in satisfying your papa dreams... so you going to be a mama gal or papa gal ;)
As parents we plan to be very strict in not to spoil you with lots of luxury... you need to learn to go by foot in dusty paths, bus with bumpy rides, train in hot humid days... and not expect a/c car and plane everywhere.. We won’t give you mobile phone while going to school and no car for school/ college... you will get your car when you earn and get it... Don’t we sound harsh... may be... may be we will have big fight over this when you are a demanding teenager... I am looking forward for that too :)
Hope you get your papa qualities of being close to family, talking out things, expressing your love without any restrictions, thought full of others feelings and you get mama qualities of to know when to keep silence, stick to the decision you make, weigh all positives/negatives before decision making.
But darling these are all our dreams and hopes... we are still open to some more suggestions from you too :) but for now we can take day-by-day baby steps... first lets see you soon and start our rosy life together. But have this knowledge that you are our beautiful daughter who can never be equated to anything... you are the first joy in our marriage life and will always be.
Love u,
Mama
Friday, May 18, 2007
Being Pregnant
One of my friend was exclaiming that this entire year of her living is kinda lost as she is expecting.. but for me it seems to be a entire year full of events. each day gets u to a new event, some events are tough to handle, some r like whirlpool of wind n some r breeze. but all together from the moment i found i am pregnant till now each day is a new day with full of surprises (not all surprises being gud) leaving you shocked, worried, amazed n so on...
Suddenly u start thinking not only abt u alone but also the tiny, kutti being inside u. I have always been a selfish kinda person, who always think what i actually want in any situation before making a decision. But now that's changing, I need to make decision not for me but for my kutti one, which will make my kutti's life easy n comfortable. But also worried in the same instance that I am losing my identity...
I think i went thru the same phase when i got married, then it was losing identity for your hubs and I was feeling more resentful to it.. so much that I didn't change my surname till now :). But now when the same happens for my kutti n i think i am kinda welcoming the thought of losing me for my kutti :)...
Umm may be all this senti thing is happening cos of the pregnancy hormones i think :p
Suddenly u start thinking not only abt u alone but also the tiny, kutti being inside u. I have always been a selfish kinda person, who always think what i actually want in any situation before making a decision. But now that's changing, I need to make decision not for me but for my kutti one, which will make my kutti's life easy n comfortable. But also worried in the same instance that I am losing my identity...
I think i went thru the same phase when i got married, then it was losing identity for your hubs and I was feeling more resentful to it.. so much that I didn't change my surname till now :). But now when the same happens for my kutti n i think i am kinda welcoming the thought of losing me for my kutti :)...
Umm may be all this senti thing is happening cos of the pregnancy hormones i think :p
Thursday, May 17, 2007
My Pergnancy story
Was reading others preg stories in one of the public forums and from that thought i will pen down my preg story also :) This cud be a way of keeping it in memory.
Me and V got married in Apr 2006..Actually my marriage story itself is a long one, but lets keep it for some other day.. so our religious marriage happened in Apr 2006.. it was a love marriage. we didn't had any long talks abt kids that time, but got into a initial agreement to wait till 6 months after marriage. But i always had a idea that we sud bring our kid in our own house.
So when we finally shifted to our own home in November 2006, I was more than ready to start planning for the kid. But still my hubs was not so looking for it, as per his thoughts we are still young married couples. So everything in life was going smooth sail. On new year's day in 2007 we went to temple and there I had a filmy style dizzy spell. Hubs immediately thought something is cooking :)
After a week when I was mentioning this to my mom-in-law she suggested of doing pregnancy test at home and confirm. So we took the test and disappointingly the results came as negative. So another week goes and still I am all nerved up that I took another test without telling my husband and I thought I saw some faint positive line..but still was not sure. When I told the same to mom-in she was sure that I am pregnant and asked me to better check with a urine test in hospital. When I told this to hubs he was shocked.. He was like no way you are pregnant.. So I get a lab test and its confirmed as I am Pregnant!!
So planned or unplanned here i am as a expecting mom
Me and V got married in Apr 2006..Actually my marriage story itself is a long one, but lets keep it for some other day.. so our religious marriage happened in Apr 2006.. it was a love marriage. we didn't had any long talks abt kids that time, but got into a initial agreement to wait till 6 months after marriage. But i always had a idea that we sud bring our kid in our own house.
So when we finally shifted to our own home in November 2006, I was more than ready to start planning for the kid. But still my hubs was not so looking for it, as per his thoughts we are still young married couples. So everything in life was going smooth sail. On new year's day in 2007 we went to temple and there I had a filmy style dizzy spell. Hubs immediately thought something is cooking :)
After a week when I was mentioning this to my mom-in-law she suggested of doing pregnancy test at home and confirm. So we took the test and disappointingly the results came as negative. So another week goes and still I am all nerved up that I took another test without telling my husband and I thought I saw some faint positive line..but still was not sure. When I told the same to mom-in she was sure that I am pregnant and asked me to better check with a urine test in hospital. When I told this to hubs he was shocked.. He was like no way you are pregnant.. So I get a lab test and its confirmed as I am Pregnant!!
So planned or unplanned here i am as a expecting mom
Tuesday, May 15, 2007
Dear Diary...
Daughter, Sister, Wife, Daughter-in-law, Sister-in-law are the various hats I adorned, some worn comfortably, some with minor adjustments and now going to wear a new one of Mother...
So going through the usual cycle of joy, doubt, fear and so on...
This is going to be a diary of my out pour.. may be one day I might show it to my kid or may be not..
So going through the usual cycle of joy, doubt, fear and so on...
This is going to be a diary of my out pour.. may be one day I might show it to my kid or may be not..
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