Second Chance

My fathers family is a huge one and the best part is that my dad has ensured that his family never lost touch with each other. Even now at all of them at an age of 60+ I see them being there for each other during good or bad. And this is not only among themselves they have also encouraged we kids to be the same. This communication was never limited by distance or time. I remember when we were in school though we used to be in some xyz village, all my dad's family used to visit us in turns along with their respective family and when we visit Chennai during summer hols it was like 2 days in each of their homes. Some of my best childhood memories were with my cousins.
But when I see my kids now, I feel they are more disconnected, not only with their cousins but even with any of their friends. So if given a choice below would be things what I want for them

1. Summer vacations with their cousins. Right now they are not able to do that since all them have different vacation times.

2. Simple pleasure of water games with their friends. In my childhood we used to just fill the laundry area with water and play with no gender difference. Now my 5 yrs son is shocked if I ask him to play with his sisters friends stating 'How can I play with girls'

3. Simple pleasure of climbing up trees and passing time. My best time in school days were sitting in trees and enjoying the fruits.

4. Loads of time in beach, with no worries of getting cold or anything.

5. Whiling away their time in doing nothing.

Kids grow up fast and that too in this time they literally mature by the age of 5. My son protests saying how can I touch his private parts. I want them to enjoy and make memories about their childhood and innocence no matter how short it is.
This post is a part of the #SecondChance activity at BlogAdda in association with MaxLife Insurance

My journey

When I became a 'Mother', due to various reasons & beliefs I quit my job. First kid came closely followed by my second. Life with kids is a 24X7 engagement. I missed my coffee breaks, intelligent conversation, basically the 'I' has faded and there only remained 'Mom' part of me.

But the moment kids are bit grownup, I started exploring. Basically I was itching to get back to full time work but I know I cant, so I was looking for the next best thing. Everyone in my family has lost the hope that I will get back to work or they were like I cant pursue because 'who does that with not one but two small kids'. But I always had a regret that I didnt try my best before quitting my work... maybe I should have gave it try and who knows how that would have been.

So this time I started trying things which are safe options. I started with online tutoring, but the pay was less and more so the work hours were very odd. I was getting up 3 in the morning (though I would hardly slept because of kid in the night) then work from 4 till 7, 7 - 8 get the elder kid ready for school and again work from 8 till 9 and then the younger olds chores. It was hectic and all the sleeplessness was getting to you by 3 months into it. So after 6 months I quit that and was again started to search for that 'Next best thing'.

Once my mom asked me saying why are you so bothered in finding a job, relax and enjoy the kids. But somehow my mind was always against that. One day when my kids were playing, my elder daughter said that she is cooking and packing food for my younger boy since she also is like mom. That caught me in the throat. I didn't want my daughter to sell herself short because that's what I did.

So I started again looking for something. That time my hubs used to make fun saying that if I can make 6 figure in a month, then he will quit and take care of kids. So this time I got a freelancing work and it was paying me in $. The work had deadlines but I can choose when I work and which used happen whenever kids are sleeping. The work was good and I did prove my hubs  wrong and was making a 6 figure per month too. But this went for a toss when I had to travel to my in laws place which had very poor internet and with no one to help and with long hours I started getting sick. Also I was not able to stick to my work commitments. That ended that venture after an year I started.

So now I started looking for something outside my home with limited work hours. That's when I landed my current job. Though I fought a huge fight and am still fighting against the prejudices. But still now I have become an inspiration to all the other wives in my complex. All were like 'So she can with 2 kids after a 5 yrs. break why cant we' This also has become my inspiration that I cant let them down by quitting my current job. can I ?

“This post is a part of #UseYourAnd activity at BlogAdda in association with Gillette Venus“.

This post is also a part of Write Over the Weekend, an initiative for Indian Bloggers by BlogAdda

Social Media

Every once in a while I see articles in paper which claim that social media puts pressure on people. That time i never stressed on that fact. But recently I faced it. You know how people always post pic in which they are smiling or you always post something when some nice thing have happened, like birthday party pics or holiday pics or wishes messages.

Though we know that social media is a place where people cant cry in public so they always bask in the glory of some nice happenings. But still... when I see these postings, when my life in real is going hay wire.. going thru these posting makes my misery more. I immediately judge that only my life is screwed where as everyone else are all bed of roses! May be this is my human nature, to be jealous of others joy when i have none.

This is because social media is not a place where one to one talks happen, its more like a news paper where you get the other person personal life news. But we who are always involved in one to one communications prior, fail to relate to.

If I state the same in a tee-e-tee with friends I would actually get honest answers which will state that I alone is not the one having miserable life, I have company and that tomorrow this might change to all bed of roses. But this message one can never get in social media, though that person is your friend or best pal, what she/he is posting is for a public audience, and which might not be true state of hers in reality.

Just because that is the only window we have of the other persons life it doesn't mean that that's the one window. That truth should always be there before you socialize in social media!

Cont..

As a follow to my previous post, the following post says all the things I wanted to convey http://www.huffingtonpost.in/priyadarshini-chatterjee/woman-go-choose_b_6542422.html?utm_hp_ref=india

Also every-time somebody utters their opinion, why do we have to rise our hackles.. Its just a opinion which that person is entitled to. At the end of the day we are always the driver in our life, even if we own that control or give to someone else. I believe its always our choice. I remember something I read long along from Vivekananda speeches.."Praise or Blame are like croaking of frogs" I am neither validated by others praise nor am I thrown-in-gutter by others disapproval. I am.

Feminism..

Nowadays this has become a trend.. Everybody is/wants to be a feminist. And everything and anything related to women become feminism. Seriously I don't know what is feminism, I always was familiar with Chauvinism, because that's what I got to witness first hand. But even then I was never taught to hate chauvinist but proclaim feminism. It was just a way to identify chauvinism and accept it or criticize it.
Also both Chauvinism and feminism are relative and that's the reason I think they both being exploited.

My mother always claimed that my dad is a MCP (male chauvinistic pig) because he had a very strict dress code for mom, me & my sister. That's the only reason is was termed MCP. Other than that he used to help mom in kitchen, help her in house keeping, though will never claim in front of mom, but he was always in awe of my mom and her intelligence. For the dress code he had his own reasons. He used to say 'I know how guys look and where all his eyes wander, I don't want you guys to give them a reason' For this matter he never allowed us to wear sari or half sari. He used to allow us to wear any thing at home, but not in front of third person.
So having a dress code so that his gals will not be a prey to all others eyes is practicality to him and chauvinistic to my mom.

My husband says no to leggings for my daughter who is 7 yrs. This makes him a chauvinistic in my eyes. But for him it just being careful. He sees ladies, girls of various ages were variety of cloths and how the guys around him and he himself looks at them and he don't want his own gal to be under that scrutiny.
So point is that chauvinism is something that's individualistic, will vary from person to person on what is chauvinism.

So saying I was reading a blog wherein a gal was crying about 'Feminism' cos her MIL asked her why she is not cooking. This got me into thinking, how can a expectation of an MIL could be anti-feminism. More so why nowadays people are ever ready to fight by pushing anything and everything under different banners, be it for love, be it religion, be in feminism.

Though coming from a conservative background where the husband doesn't even pick the plate after eating, I have seen my mother happily sitting and reading a good book while my dad busy in tidying up the kitchen. Even at age of 70+ it my dad who does swiping of floor at home and mom is the one who cooks and clean vessels. Its just that of sharing, neither of the them talk about feminism/chauvinism.

So now if my MIL says that I need to cook for my kids, would I term that as anti feminism. Its just that of saying take care of your family, cos every time you cant eat out.
I accept different people have different views and everyone will be ready to dump their view on us. But why  raise ones shackles and give all a different color rather than take it as it is given.
May be if we really pause and think before we categorize under different color, then may be we wont work ourselves into this frenzy of violence.