Second Chance

My fathers family is a huge one and the best part is that my dad has ensured that his family never lost touch with each other. Even now at all of them at an age of 60+ I see them being there for each other during good or bad. And this is not only among themselves they have also encouraged we kids to be the same. This communication was never limited by distance or time. I remember when we were in school though we used to be in some xyz village, all my dad's family used to visit us in turns along with their respective family and when we visit Chennai during summer hols it was like 2 days in each of their homes. Some of my best childhood memories were with my cousins.
But when I see my kids now, I feel they are more disconnected, not only with their cousins but even with any of their friends. So if given a choice below would be things what I want for them

1. Summer vacations with their cousins. Right now they are not able to do that since all them have different vacation times.

2. Simple pleasure of water games with their friends. In my childhood we used to just fill the laundry area with water and play with no gender difference. Now my 5 yrs son is shocked if I ask him to play with his sisters friends stating 'How can I play with girls'

3. Simple pleasure of climbing up trees and passing time. My best time in school days were sitting in trees and enjoying the fruits.

4. Loads of time in beach, with no worries of getting cold or anything.

5. Whiling away their time in doing nothing.

Kids grow up fast and that too in this time they literally mature by the age of 5. My son protests saying how can I touch his private parts. I want them to enjoy and make memories about their childhood and innocence no matter how short it is.
This post is a part of the #SecondChance activity at BlogAdda in association with MaxLife Insurance

My journey

When I became a 'Mother', due to various reasons & beliefs I quit my job. First kid came closely followed by my second. Life with kids is a 24X7 engagement. I missed my coffee breaks, intelligent conversation, basically the 'I' has faded and there only remained 'Mom' part of me.

But the moment kids are bit grownup, I started exploring. Basically I was itching to get back to full time work but I know I cant, so I was looking for the next best thing. Everyone in my family has lost the hope that I will get back to work or they were like I cant pursue because 'who does that with not one but two small kids'. But I always had a regret that I didnt try my best before quitting my work... maybe I should have gave it try and who knows how that would have been.

So this time I started trying things which are safe options. I started with online tutoring, but the pay was less and more so the work hours were very odd. I was getting up 3 in the morning (though I would hardly slept because of kid in the night) then work from 4 till 7, 7 - 8 get the elder kid ready for school and again work from 8 till 9 and then the younger olds chores. It was hectic and all the sleeplessness was getting to you by 3 months into it. So after 6 months I quit that and was again started to search for that 'Next best thing'.

Once my mom asked me saying why are you so bothered in finding a job, relax and enjoy the kids. But somehow my mind was always against that. One day when my kids were playing, my elder daughter said that she is cooking and packing food for my younger boy since she also is like mom. That caught me in the throat. I didn't want my daughter to sell herself short because that's what I did.

So I started again looking for something. That time my hubs used to make fun saying that if I can make 6 figure in a month, then he will quit and take care of kids. So this time I got a freelancing work and it was paying me in $. The work had deadlines but I can choose when I work and which used happen whenever kids are sleeping. The work was good and I did prove my hubs  wrong and was making a 6 figure per month too. But this went for a toss when I had to travel to my in laws place which had very poor internet and with no one to help and with long hours I started getting sick. Also I was not able to stick to my work commitments. That ended that venture after an year I started.

So now I started looking for something outside my home with limited work hours. That's when I landed my current job. Though I fought a huge fight and am still fighting against the prejudices. But still now I have become an inspiration to all the other wives in my complex. All were like 'So she can with 2 kids after a 5 yrs. break why cant we' This also has become my inspiration that I cant let them down by quitting my current job. can I ?

“This post is a part of #UseYourAnd activity at BlogAdda in association with Gillette Venus“.

This post is also a part of Write Over the Weekend, an initiative for Indian Bloggers by BlogAdda

Social Media

Every once in a while I see articles in paper which claim that social media puts pressure on people. That time i never stressed on that fact. But recently I faced it. You know how people always post pic in which they are smiling or you always post something when some nice thing have happened, like birthday party pics or holiday pics or wishes messages.

Though we know that social media is a place where people cant cry in public so they always bask in the glory of some nice happenings. But still... when I see these postings, when my life in real is going hay wire.. going thru these posting makes my misery more. I immediately judge that only my life is screwed where as everyone else are all bed of roses! May be this is my human nature, to be jealous of others joy when i have none.

This is because social media is not a place where one to one talks happen, its more like a news paper where you get the other person personal life news. But we who are always involved in one to one communications prior, fail to relate to.

If I state the same in a tee-e-tee with friends I would actually get honest answers which will state that I alone is not the one having miserable life, I have company and that tomorrow this might change to all bed of roses. But this message one can never get in social media, though that person is your friend or best pal, what she/he is posting is for a public audience, and which might not be true state of hers in reality.

Just because that is the only window we have of the other persons life it doesn't mean that that's the one window. That truth should always be there before you socialize in social media!

Cont..

As a follow to my previous post, the following post says all the things I wanted to convey http://www.huffingtonpost.in/priyadarshini-chatterjee/woman-go-choose_b_6542422.html?utm_hp_ref=india

Also every-time somebody utters their opinion, why do we have to rise our hackles.. Its just a opinion which that person is entitled to. At the end of the day we are always the driver in our life, even if we own that control or give to someone else. I believe its always our choice. I remember something I read long along from Vivekananda speeches.."Praise or Blame are like croaking of frogs" I am neither validated by others praise nor am I thrown-in-gutter by others disapproval. I am.

Feminism..

Nowadays this has become a trend.. Everybody is/wants to be a feminist. And everything and anything related to women become feminism. Seriously I don't know what is feminism, I always was familiar with Chauvinism, because that's what I got to witness first hand. But even then I was never taught to hate chauvinist but proclaim feminism. It was just a way to identify chauvinism and accept it or criticize it.
Also both Chauvinism and feminism are relative and that's the reason I think they both being exploited.

My mother always claimed that my dad is a MCP (male chauvinistic pig) because he had a very strict dress code for mom, me & my sister. That's the only reason is was termed MCP. Other than that he used to help mom in kitchen, help her in house keeping, though will never claim in front of mom, but he was always in awe of my mom and her intelligence. For the dress code he had his own reasons. He used to say 'I know how guys look and where all his eyes wander, I don't want you guys to give them a reason' For this matter he never allowed us to wear sari or half sari. He used to allow us to wear any thing at home, but not in front of third person.
So having a dress code so that his gals will not be a prey to all others eyes is practicality to him and chauvinistic to my mom.

My husband says no to leggings for my daughter who is 7 yrs. This makes him a chauvinistic in my eyes. But for him it just being careful. He sees ladies, girls of various ages were variety of cloths and how the guys around him and he himself looks at them and he don't want his own gal to be under that scrutiny.
So point is that chauvinism is something that's individualistic, will vary from person to person on what is chauvinism.

So saying I was reading a blog wherein a gal was crying about 'Feminism' cos her MIL asked her why she is not cooking. This got me into thinking, how can a expectation of an MIL could be anti-feminism. More so why nowadays people are ever ready to fight by pushing anything and everything under different banners, be it for love, be it religion, be in feminism.

Though coming from a conservative background where the husband doesn't even pick the plate after eating, I have seen my mother happily sitting and reading a good book while my dad busy in tidying up the kitchen. Even at age of 70+ it my dad who does swiping of floor at home and mom is the one who cooks and clean vessels. Its just that of sharing, neither of the them talk about feminism/chauvinism.

So now if my MIL says that I need to cook for my kids, would I term that as anti feminism. Its just that of saying take care of your family, cos every time you cant eat out.
I accept different people have different views and everyone will be ready to dump their view on us. But why  raise ones shackles and give all a different color rather than take it as it is given.
May be if we really pause and think before we categorize under different color, then may be we wont work ourselves into this frenzy of violence.

God is a gamer - A Review

God is a gamer is a bitcoin thriller written by the famous Indian author Ravi Subramanian. I must confess that this is my first book of the author and needless to say that he didn't disappoint me at all.

The author commands good knowledge on the subject, he seamlessly integrates his banking knowledge and also gives a glimpse on what goes behind the bank counters.

The book starts with the current events of how credit card companies monopolies the money market and
what caused the origin of bit coins. It also relates wiki leaks with politics and since it starts with a topic that is currently hot, it gets your attention. And though its a fiction it gives a real explanation for what happened in the bit coin market.

The book has wikileaks, gaming, Facebook, fiction, jihadists, romance, love, lust, drama... overall a good mystery that any reader could relate to. It also gives us a picture on how markets are driven by bankers and also how it gets affected by corruption by anyone.

Apart from the banking industry, it also gives a good perspective about the gaming industry and how it makes users addictive. You feel that the author is though from a banking industry with a good knowledge of it but he didnt monopolies the banking with just the dry facts of banking but he has also done a good homework for the other topics. As you read the book, you feel like shouting out saying 'I knew thats how these industries are flourishing'. What better review required than this level of involvement of the reader.

From start it grips the readers..it starts with wikileaks and assange and from there it grips the reader's attention. The reader can't keep the book down till it's done. The book makes you want to know what's going to happen next.

The author has maintained the pace of the book from start till end. No part is wasted effort. Every scene kind of builds up the mystery and the mystery unfolds spectacularly. It's an ideal mystery book like Agatha Christy ones where the author gives the reader an opportunity to piece together the clues and solve it themselves. And its also a very good mystery book as it gives a twist in the end which makes the reader go 'aaw'. 

Each character like Aditya Rao, Malavika, Tanya, Varun all are done with great care, with no loose or unnecessary details.

After a long time found a book which I wanted to be completed in one go. Though it's the first of this author I have read, it has definitely made me want to read more of the author's book. Surely I will look up for Ravi's books next time in a bookstore.

Any reader who is new to mystery would be hooked after this book.

My rating 5/5!

Well done Ravi Subramanian you have outdone yourself! I would say this would be a great movie script not for Bolloywood but for Hollywood itself. Hope I see the movie at the earliest!

Overview of the book:
        Imagine a scenario where you cross this powerful virtual currency with a Gamer, Banker, Politician and a Terrorist. The result is GOD IS A GAMER – the worlds first Bitcoin Thriller.
A thriller which moves from Washington’s Congress to Delhi’s finance ministry, the beaches of Goa to the corporate boardrooms of Mumbai. A thriller set in a world where money means nothing, martyrs are villains, predators are prey, assassination is taught by the ancient Greeks, and nothing is as it seems.

About the Author:
         Ravi Subramanian is India’s numero uno thriller writer, having written six bestselling books. An alumnus of Indian Institute of Management (Bangalore), he is currently head of a leading financial institution. A career banker and financial services professional, Ravi has worked with various multinational banks (Citibank, ANZ Grindlays Bank and HSBC) for over eighteen years. As a result of his extensive background in foreign banks, writing about banking comes quite naturally to Ravi. Each one of his books thus far have been set in the backdrop of a foreign bank.

This review is a part of the biggest Book Review Program for Indian Bloggers. Participate now to get free books!

Compromise

Few years back, divorcees and breakups were some numbers seen in the paper or some story heard in the news. It basically was a Page3 item, but in the recent past I am seeing its searing head in my close family circle itself. To give a background, mine is a typical conservative Tamil aka Kerala Brahmin family, a closely knit circle. In that circle I am hearing about arranged marriages ending in divorcees, breakups happening just before the day of marriage, basically a lot of broken relationships.
Once you hear the individual stories, all seem to have the same style of after taste. I wont term girls are the victims in a successful relationship. I would define a successful relationship is one in which both have successfully compromised and have made peace with their compromise. Nobody forced them to compromise but they did it in the their own accord and are happy with that. Because those compromises have happened because they had the priorities and to achieve that they compromised. See that all were plurals nowhere its like the girl has alone do sacrifices.
When I was discussing the same with my hubs, he pointed out that in our relationship it was always his say, like his culture, his language so he said the success depends on how well the guy guides and how well the girl follows. I know that a very MCP(Male Chauvinist Pig) way of looking at things. But if I have made my hubs to feel like a King even when in real its not, then I think my mission was a success. That apart, in real, ours was a north-south marriage with stiff opposition. Everybody predicted that ours would fail. Maybe that, along with my character of never going back on my promises laid the foundation for our relationship.
So my priorities was to make the relationship work. I was flexible to learn a new language rather than expect his parent to learn at this age of theirs, I was ok in following their traditions  because as per my belief all pray to the same god, but in their own way. Also since I never learnt my Tamil traditions and my parents never stressed on that, I compromised. I was amicable with his parents because my priority is that my hubs be the same to my parents. I compromised. Compromise is not a bad word, just that we need to justify the compromises with our priorities. Maybe that's what today y-Gen needs to understand and that's where their maturity comes.