Life as it is

Life is taking an unexpected turn.. no questions asked on whether I am prepared for this or not.. I am just taking the plunge, will I resurface or not is the question, will I be able to swim with the current or not is the question.
umm.. is all this happening because somewhere secretly I was wishing for all this to happen.. how will I manage this change, how will I survive!! its always uncertain when driving in an unfamiliar road, where will the turn exactly lead to?

Be careful with what you wish for...May be God will grant you ur wish!!
Thats saying is so true for me...

Letter to my kutti...

Dear Vibha... ( I am sure thats the name u going to get... and f.y.i. I picked it :))

I know you are growing strong from the kicks you give me each day :) so I am not asking you how you are doing inside... So you who now are a part of me will soon become the apple of your papa and my eyes... More than me your papa is so happy and excited to meet you soon... he talks to u, wishes you good morning/good night and gives you lots kuchu kuchu... he does so much in ensuring that you are getting good care :) me am still dazed you can say, more so me am worried and how everything will work out once you are out in this BIG bad world.. Would your thata and pati ever meet u... how much will you be spoilt by your dada and dadi... how much pranks you going to play on your chacha... how much fun you going to have with your periamma and ramya... I am just eager to witness those things... you know nobody other than me and papa (and few of my friends) know that you are Vibha. For others you are still a baby cos we didn’t tell them, wanted to keep that as a surprise... :)

So what my kutti going to grow up like... I want you to be independent gal not spoilt but more a responsible one who knows what she wants and is not afraid to get it and keep it. Your papa wants you to be a traditional gal who will be like 'ghar ka naam roshan karegi' type of gal... I think you will have tough time in satisfying your papa dreams... so you going to be a mama gal or papa gal ;)

As parents we plan to be very strict in not to spoil you with lots of luxury... you need to learn to go by foot in dusty paths, bus with bumpy rides, train in hot humid days... and not expect a/c car and plane everywhere.. We won’t give you mobile phone while going to school and no car for school/ college... you will get your car when you earn and get it... Don’t we sound harsh... may be... may be we will have big fight over this when you are a demanding teenager... I am looking forward for that too :)

Hope you get your papa qualities of being close to family, talking out things, expressing your love without any restrictions, thought full of others feelings and you get mama qualities of to know when to keep silence, stick to the decision you make, weigh all positives/negatives before decision making.

But darling these are all our dreams and hopes... we are still open to some more suggestions from you too :) but for now we can take day-by-day baby steps... first lets see you soon and start our rosy life together. But have this knowledge that you are our beautiful daughter who can never be equated to anything... you are the first joy in our marriage life and will always be.

Love u,
Mama

Being Pregnant

One of my friend was exclaiming that this entire year of her living is kinda lost as she is expecting.. but for me it seems to be a entire year full of events. each day gets u to a new event, some events are tough to handle, some r like whirlpool of wind n some r breeze. but all together from the moment i found i am pregnant till now each day is a new day with full of surprises (not all surprises being gud) leaving you shocked, worried, amazed n so on...
Suddenly u start thinking not only abt u alone but also the tiny, kutti being inside u. I have always been a selfish kinda person, who always think what i actually want in any situation before making a decision. But now that's changing, I need to make decision not for me but for my kutti one, which will make my kutti's life easy n comfortable. But also worried in the same instance that I am losing my identity...
I think i went thru the same phase when i got married, then it was losing identity for your hubs and I was feeling more resentful to it.. so much that I didn't change my surname till now :). But now when the same happens for my kutti n i think i am kinda welcoming the thought of losing me for my kutti :)...
Umm may be all this senti thing is happening cos of the pregnancy hormones i think :p

My Pergnancy story

Was reading others preg stories in one of the public forums and from that thought i will pen down my preg story also :) This cud be a way of keeping it in memory.
Me and V got married in Apr 2006..Actually my marriage story itself is a long one, but lets keep it for some other day.. so our religious marriage happened in Apr 2006.. it was a love marriage. we didn't had any long talks abt kids that time, but got into a initial agreement to wait till 6 months after marriage. But i always had a idea that we sud bring our kid in our own house.
So when we finally shifted to our own home in November 2006, I was more than ready to start planning for the kid. But still my hubs was not so looking for it, as per his thoughts we are still young married couples. So everything in life was going smooth sail. On new year's day in 2007 we went to temple and there I had a filmy style dizzy spell. Hubs immediately thought something is cooking :)
After a week when I was mentioning this to my mom-in-law she suggested of doing pregnancy test at home and confirm. So we took the test and disappointingly the results came as negative. So another week goes and still I am all nerved up that I took another test without telling my husband and I thought I saw some faint positive line..but still was not sure. When I told the same to mom-in she was sure that I am pregnant and asked me to better check with a urine test in hospital. When I told this to hubs he was shocked.. He was like no way you are pregnant.. So I get a lab test and its confirmed as I am Pregnant!!
So planned or unplanned here i am as a expecting mom

Dear Diary...

Daughter, Sister, Wife, Daughter-in-law, Sister-in-law are the various hats I adorned, some worn comfortably, some with minor adjustments and now going to wear a new one of Mother...
So going through the usual cycle of joy, doubt, fear and so on...

This is going to be a diary of my out pour.. may be one day I might show it to my kid or may be not..