Few years back, divorcees and breakups were some numbers seen in the paper or some story heard in the news. It basically was a Page3 item, but in the recent past I am seeing its searing head in my close family circle itself. To give a background, mine is a typical conservative Tamil aka Kerala Brahmin family, a closely knit circle. In that circle I am hearing about arranged marriages ending in divorcees, breakups happening just before the day of marriage, basically a lot of broken relationships.
Once you hear the individual stories, all seem to have the same style of after taste. I wont term girls are the victims in a successful relationship. I would define a successful relationship is one in which both have successfully compromised and have made peace with their compromise. Nobody forced them to compromise but they did it in the their own accord and are happy with that. Because those compromises have happened because they had the priorities and to achieve that they compromised. See that all were plurals nowhere its like the girl has alone do sacrifices.
When I was discussing the same with my hubs, he pointed out that in our relationship it was always his say, like his culture, his language so he said the success depends on how well the guy guides and how well the girl follows. I know that a very MCP(Male Chauvinist Pig) way of looking at things. But if I have made my hubs to feel like a King even when in real its not, then I think my mission was a success. That apart, in real, ours was a north-south marriage with stiff opposition. Everybody predicted that ours would fail. Maybe that, along with my character of never going back on my promises laid the foundation for our relationship.
So my priorities was to make the relationship work. I was flexible to learn a new language rather than expect his parent to learn at this age of theirs, I was ok in following their traditions because as per my belief all pray to the same god, but in their own way. Also since I never learnt my Tamil traditions and my parents never stressed on that, I compromised. I was amicable with his parents because my priority is that my hubs be the same to my parents. I compromised. Compromise is not a bad word, just that we need to justify the compromises with our priorities. Maybe that's what today y-Gen needs to understand and that's where their maturity comes.
Once you hear the individual stories, all seem to have the same style of after taste. I wont term girls are the victims in a successful relationship. I would define a successful relationship is one in which both have successfully compromised and have made peace with their compromise. Nobody forced them to compromise but they did it in the their own accord and are happy with that. Because those compromises have happened because they had the priorities and to achieve that they compromised. See that all were plurals nowhere its like the girl has alone do sacrifices.
When I was discussing the same with my hubs, he pointed out that in our relationship it was always his say, like his culture, his language so he said the success depends on how well the guy guides and how well the girl follows. I know that a very MCP(Male Chauvinist Pig) way of looking at things. But if I have made my hubs to feel like a King even when in real its not, then I think my mission was a success. That apart, in real, ours was a north-south marriage with stiff opposition. Everybody predicted that ours would fail. Maybe that, along with my character of never going back on my promises laid the foundation for our relationship.
So my priorities was to make the relationship work. I was flexible to learn a new language rather than expect his parent to learn at this age of theirs, I was ok in following their traditions because as per my belief all pray to the same god, but in their own way. Also since I never learnt my Tamil traditions and my parents never stressed on that, I compromised. I was amicable with his parents because my priority is that my hubs be the same to my parents. I compromised. Compromise is not a bad word, just that we need to justify the compromises with our priorities. Maybe that's what today y-Gen needs to understand and that's where their maturity comes.
