Decisions

I knew that the decision making process is tough...but all thru my life, if once I decide on which way to go I usually stick to it firmly...no looking back and thinking about the decision again.
But this time...though its been a month every day I wake up with a sick feeling in my stomach as if I have done something monumentally wrong.
Is it so wrong to lookout for oneself when obviously there is no knight-in-shining-armor to do that for me... Or should I do as my hubs says and sacrifice myself yet again? The keyword is not 'sacrifice' in the previous sentence but its 'yet again'.
The audacity of people to ask me to do it again... and the audacity of myself to almost agreeing to it!

Poser

Its very tiring to be a poser and also u cant keep it forever...I say 8 yrs is good enough time to quit being a poser..what say.

First time for everything

As said in title there are first times for everything...So had many first's happening this month. First time rode scotter..first time to office leaving kids home with maid...first time to petrol bunk to fill the said scooter.. and lastly first time kids are going to grandparents house with me left behind... first time of sleeping without kids and that too for one full month. It kills me now itself. Need to bury myself in the new job but even then there will be weekends..nights. I came back to work stating that tomorrow kids will be off to college, work and at that time I don't want to cling to them. But they leaving happened now itself, so have to see what my life will be without them.
It always like this with me...I want two contradicting things at the same time. Like I want my hubs and my parents and like now when I want to work and also kids at home. One part says I have to strap up and be a working lady and not pin for my kids and the other part is lets quit now and go with them.